A frightening incident involving her young son made Chennai-based podcaster and founder Gayathri Prakash look closely at the way a parent’s reactions can influence a child. In a conversation with The Better India, the mother of three opened up about the experience and how it changed her understanding of calm parenting.
What left Gayathri shocked
Gayathri was in Bengaluru visiting family and preparing to leave for an evening flight to Chennai when an ordinary family gathering suddenly turned into an emergency. Her son Yug, who was around five or six at the time, was playing with his cousins when she heard her sister-in-law call out to her in panic.When she saw Yug, he was covered in blood after suffering an injury. Despite the frightening sight, Gayathri found herself becomingfocused on what needed to be done rather than giving in to panic.“He was already drenched in blood from the top of his head all the way down to his T-shirt, with blood dripping onto his toes,” she recalls. “There was no time for emotions; there was only prioritising.”She added, “I think it was a moment when the only way to move forward was to fight the problem, not sink into it.”What stayed with her was Yug’s reaction when he finally found his mother. He had apparently been searching for her, running between floors, while holding back his tears. As soon as he saw Gayathri, he called her by her nickname, “Gayu”, ran towards her and began crying.“I didn’t realise until then that he had been holding all his emotions in until he found me,” she says. “He held his tears back until he saw the person he trusted most, relied on most and loved most.”Gayathri immediately concentrated on controlling the bleeding, locating a doctor and arranging a way to reach the hospital. The drive took around 30 minutes, during which Yug remained on her lap, repeatedly saying “ouchie, ouchie”. She and her husband, Aravind, tried to keep the atmosphere reassuring, even promising him a toy after they reached the hospital.The experience also made Gayathri realise that parents cannot control every situation their children face, but they can influence how safe their children feel while going through them.“We understood for the very first time that we do not control the way things work in this world,” she says. “But that calmness was important in helping our son feel safe.”
Why calm parenting is important
A comment from the relative who drove them to the hospital later stayed with her. They pointed out how composed she had remained during the crisis, prompting Gayathri to think about how a parent’s emotional response can become part of a child’s experience during difficult situations.For her, however, calm parenting does not mean allowing children to do whatever they want. She believes boundaries and discipline can exist without anger taking over.“Calmness does not mean the absence of discipline,” she explains. “For me, it means trying not to add my own emotional chaos to something my child is already struggling to process.”She follows the same principle during everyday situations, whether it is a fight between siblings or a disagreement over screen time. Her children can express their anger, but that does not necessarily mean the boundary will change. “You are allowed to be angry, but the answer will remain no,” she tells them.She also gives her children space to process their emotions, telling them, “I am here when you are ready.”Over time, Gayathri has developed a simple technique to manage her own reactions. When she feels herself becoming overwhelmed, she pauses for three seconds before responding.“When I know I do not like the way things are going, I pause for three seconds to recalibrate before I react,” she says.She acknowledges that staying calm all the time is unrealistic. Parenting can be exhausting, and there are moments when she also loses her patience or reacts in ways she later wishes she had handled differently.“I lose my patience too, and there are moments when I panic or react in a way I later regret,” she admits.For Gayathri, the important part is what happens afterwards. She believes parents should be willing to acknowledge their mistakes and apologise to their children when needed.“An apology does not make us smaller as parents. It shows our children that we are aware of our actions and willing to correct them.”Her experience has ultimately changed her idea of what being a strong parent means. It is not necessarily about never feeling scared or overwhelmed, but about trying to remain a reassuring presence when a child needs one.Also read:Growing up with two languages keeps babies’ brains tuned to both and gives children early practice controlling their attention, studies foundChildren begin lying as young as age 2, and by age 3, roughly half of those who broke a rule tried to hide it, a 2013 study of 65 children foundThat lesson is something she also finds in her own father. Even when he cannot solve a problem for her, his ability to remain calm gives Gayathri the confidence to face difficult situations herself.
